Say What You Need to Say

Some believe that ‘It is not what you say but how you say it’; I believe ‘It is what you say, how you say it, and how they hear it’.  All three entities are pivotal to effective communication and relationship development. 

• What we say is the infrastructure of any conversation.  Think about how often you have said something and would have preferred to use different words?  There is a thin line between skilled word selection clearly conveying a thought and being ignored because of insignificant rambling.  I am sure that you know someone who has something intelligent and notable to say, but has an unattractive delivery at times. 
• How we say it is just as important as what we are saying. Body language, tone, inflection, and other nonverbal stimuli contribute to your overall message.  It is amazing how these subtle nuances unconsciously play a larger part of our sentiments than speech itself.  How aware are you of your nonverbal communicative language? 
• What they hear may be the most critical component of communication in that it is the only reason we are opening our mouths in the first place, or is it?  We all are guilty of ‘thinking out loud’; talking to ourselves in someone else’s presence.  However, the ultimate objective when speaking to a prospect/client is to have them ‘HEAR‘ us.  The safest way to do this is to simply ask; “What is your understanding of.....?”

In John Mayer’s hit single Say What You Need To Say he sings “....in the end it’s better to say too much than never to say what you need to say”.  Saying ‘what we need to say’ involves verbal/nonverbal cues, how information is being received, and a moral compass for responsibility.  I reason that ‘what we need to say’ is the absolute truth and received in the manner we intend.  Too often feeble relationships are developed due to selfish embellishment.  What we say and what they hear should progress to a comprehensible and complimentary dialogue that defines direction, even if it is nowhere.

In conversation, a client with whom I had a contractual agreement to train, settling on a start date became an issue.  Preliminary assessments had begun, courses had been selected, but his communication was conflicting.  His words were saying that he wanted to start sooner than later while, because of his nonverbal signs, I was hearing later than sooner.  I said to him “I sense some apprehension in your commitment, are there any concerns?”  It turned out that although he was anxious to start implementation, a personnel change needed to be addressed first. Many times we intuitively perceive barriers and ignore them because of said words or personal initiatives, only to see the same hurdles later in the process.  If you see it, feel it, or hear it, find a way to ‘Say What You Need To Say’.  Great Selling!

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